To the Brokenhearted

Disclaimer: I am a woman who is trying to understand the heart of a man whose heart is broken. I do not profess to know it all. I am not a man and do not profess to know how all men think. This topic is only my observation of speaking to, dealing with, and attempting to love a broken man.

Dear Brokenhearted man, I want to help heal your wounds, I do not seek to be the kind of woman that controls you or overpowers you in any way. I do not want to compete with you. I want to help fix what is broken. My want for you has nothing to do with receiving the praise for doing that.. I understand that all people have their own cross to bear, and so you do and will, but this...being broke and hurting has run its course in your life. It is time for you to open your heart instead of guarding it, it is time for you to allow love to enter.

Too many of you have let too-many women (who are themselves damaged) into your life with negative emotions and ill-intentions and left you broken. In my observation, some of the men I know who have made the decision to be monogamous, or settle down because he felt “he found the right one,” were givers and as a giver they allowed women who were takers to entire their lives and damage their souls. Let me explain, when you are a giver, and you have decided to give yourself completely and wholly to a woman, that is a big step for you… so when this happens you feel good about it. The decision is right, there is something about her that makes you want to trust the process and move forward, but somewhere along the process she begins to take advantage of your giving, you feel you have become cheated or slighted (maybe even infidelity is found on her part). She has then taken your heart for granted and cheated you out of what you wanted to achieve with her and left you heart broken and empty. Maybe your situation is slightly different, you found her, but you weren’t ready to settle down, but she was, and she remained faithful, but you didn’t--she got tired and bounced, you realized she was “the one” and now you’re heart broken because your well has run dry and you have no water to fill it up and although you try to replace the water in the well, but some how the water just keeps seeping out. Sound about right?

Let me just say this, both sexes are capable of being givers and takers. I should differentiate (in my opinion, because this is just my opinion based on observation) between being a giver and taker; a giver is organic, no matter what you do, you give, you take pleasure in giving of yourself, your time, your attention, your thoughts ideas, someone else and their needs, etc. you do not expect anything in return, accept for love and affection, which is logical and a natural part of the process. But, a taker, a person becomes a taker as a result of being used to people giving to them, they are attractive so that offers them attention, makes them popular, or they have something unique about them that gets a lot of attention.

Back to my original point. I am woman who is a giver and as a giver, I want to give you the means to arise into a new level of thinking to mend your broken heart. Most of us giving women want to be able to help heal your wounds. You have to be willing to let the giving woman come in and be the healer of your soul? Yes, there are many of us out here who are genuine, sincere, and nurturing to fault, and we do not want to come into your life to hinder you or break you more. With a guarded heart, you won't be able to see and/or receive her genuineness. You will miss the opportunity to have what you deeply desire in a woman because your trust issues will let her pass you by! Ask yourself, “what will it take for me to let a woman break through my shield because I've been broken for so long that I don't know how to unloosen the brokenness?”

Many of you, wounded souls, find it hard to regain the trust in another woman after having trusted "the one" you deemed worthy. I once heard a person say that once a man has been cheated on and/or found out a women he put all his trust and love into has been lying to him, or that he opens his eyes to her taking advantage of him, their hurt is deeper and it’s harder for them to recover. I get that when a man has been hurt, he finds it hard to pick up the broken pieces of his soul from that hurt and pain to be whole again. When he's broken, he builds walls... he segregates himself from from love, and all emotions that allow him to feel--he becomes emotionally unavailable. The reel again--simply put, he doesn't want to be hurt again. However, deep inside his core, he desires closeness and a woman to tear down the walls, he desires a woman that can show her strength and be willing to tap into his inner being and whisper into his soul that it's okay to let me love you because ME loving you will not hurt you. I am not her and she is not me--matter of fact, she is your past, leave her there. Will a man be truthful enough to admit that this would spark the shifting of that wall coming down even though he harbors distrust? And lover, just so you’re aware, “I respect, appreciate, connect with, and can love a man who doesn't disregard, or shut down his feelings (& that's on every level).‪

Dear Sister broken, but ready to move on... when a man finds that something in you, he will respect you, he will provide for you, he will give you too what you desire. Sometimes we have to know what work we need to do to get him to that place. Sometimes, sometimes we have to be the stronger one, we have to be relentless and never give up when we deem him “the one.” A woman should be able to seek within herself and see her capabilities and know her responsibility is to help him. We're all broken, we all need healing... but we cannot and should expect a man whom we want to tear down our walls and possibly desire as a mate to only see the pain we've endured and want to fix us.

We can sometimes walk into a relationship with the idea that he might be broken and need healing-help too and thus be prepared to strengthen him - we ought not be the only ones who require that someone else fix it. He may need you more than you need him and if that is the case... than be prepared to do the work. In life, true happiness comes when you serve others... and sometimes serving can be in the form of helping a man heal even if it's for him and his future love. I say this like it is our responsibility because I think that we have an obligation to our men to help and see them whole. We are the givers of life and we are stronger when it comes to bouncing back from a broken heart. We may not feel as though we will make it, but once we set our minds to it… we do it.. .we are stronger because it is a part of who we are--don’t think so…think about being able to birth a child, there is a reason why women are made with wombs.

Love is not a fairy-tale, it is the one thing that is constant and true, if you believe that you cannot have a happily-ever-after or have never experienced that kind of energetic emotion.. than you should seek to see what you have been emitting. What you put out, returns without void.

We can’t heal if we’re constantly struggling for power over each other. Let’s all do the work and help to fix each other. I’m willing, are you?

-Peace xoxo