afphroholic

The article is about a black woman dating a white man who wants to role play with her--him as the master and her as a slave, including chains and whips. <insert screw-mad-as-mfckn-hell-face here>

The writer's post, "I’m in a bit of a situation and am hoping you will be able to provide some insight. So, let me give you the context. I am currently in my first interracial relationship (me: black, him: white) for about 6 months. It first started while we were intimate and he asked, “Who’s your master?” To which I stopped what I was doing and he stated he had gone too far.

The thing is it didn’t stop there. I am not one to censor people’s fantasies and we have even participated in a rape fantasy. I am okay that he likes to dominate during sex, but he isn’t that way during our day to day life. He’s always quick to stop what he’s doing if I use our “safe word.”

Lately, though, he has been saying he wants to role play where I am a slave and he is the master, and I am just not cool with it. He feels like I’m overreacting. He wants to put me in chains, and when I said my peace, he joked and said, “You shouldn’t be ashamed of your heritage. LOL”

He even once quietly said to me in jest when a guy was looking at me, “Stop looking, that’s my slave.” Like WTF?!?  He keeps saying it’s a fantasy and nothing else to it. I just don’t find it cute nor do I think I’m overreacting. It’s not as if his family is a stranger to interracial dating as his sister is in an interracial relationship and they have a child together. My question is how do I move forward in this situation? Should I be concerned? – Not Feeling The Role Play"

See the entire article at: http://bossip.com/1056776/dear-bossip-he-wants-to-role-play-with-me-as-a-slave-hes-my-master/

Sooooo, the #bossip.com article popped up in my Facebook timeline. Initially, I glanced at the title and immediately dismissed it as anything worth my entertaining because the title alone had me thinking this heifer is writing into an advice column about what she should do? My IMMEDIATE thought was, what she should do is lorendabobbit his ass and keep it moving, then maybe I will take the time and read as to why her mugshot is posted. However, the title stuck with me and I wanted to get the thoughts of others, so I posted the link to the article within the #INPYSH Community (#knowthecommunity). I still at this point, had not read the column, and actually up until writing this blog post, I still had not read it. 

In posting the link to the column in the group, of course there were responses received and one comment stood out to me, Audrey wrote, "In all actuality.. it seems he had that mentality all along... Never seeing a problem with ruling and controlling the black woman.. Now it's legal. He never had any respect for her in the first place."

Audrey's comment provoked thought, so my question is this, is there any difference in the lack of respect of black women from black men, or what many black women allow from black men in relationships from that of this white man? It is obvious that Not Feeling The Role Play has been intimate and on some level is emotionally connected with this individual, and she he has apparently made other "indirect" racist remarks, so I agree with Audrey - he never had any respect for her in the first place. This explains why he expected or wanted something so deplorable from his girlfriend, she obviously is nothing more than a fantasy to him. But, as a black woman, do we put up with a lot of shit that we really do not have too. And, WHY, don't we pump the breaks on ignorant shit directly affecting us?

I was quick to become enraged at the thought of a white man asking a black woman to role-play in such a way, but I had to take a step back and say what if this were a dominate submissive relationship, would it be okay regardless of the race? 

Would it have been okay if this were a black man and woman? 

The slave master is indeed the responsibility for the breakdown in black relationships and how we relate to one another, but do we continue to allow this breakdown because we choose not to do the work to eradicate the source from which it came? 

We have to become a culture that recognizes the wrong and do something about it instead of treating these kinds of situations and circumstances as if it is how we must live to survive... we have to stop thinking in survival mode, feeling as if just making it to tomorrow will do is a slave mentality and we have to dismiss the enslavement or else continue to be  oppressed. Slavery is a mental disease and thriving is the cure.

I'd like to see your thoughts on this topic and/or the questions that have come to mind in reading the article and engaging my community.

Tell me what you think.

AfroCentricLovePower xoxo