Addicted To the Pain

Addicted To The Pain..

They hold on because it’s easier than letting go..

Love was lost before it was ever found..

They fell victim to self-hate and confused it for love..

Love isn’t pain and pain isn’t love..

They aren’t in love; they’re just addicted to the pain..

 

I saw this poem on Instagram and after about 30 seconds of staring at the words, then rereading them, and eventually, meditating on how this message was specific to me, I had to put pen to paper and share my thoughts. What is the pain the author is referring to in the title, Addicted To The Pain?  The interesting thing about the title is the subject where one would assume is the main ingredient of the message “addicted.” But, what does it mean to be addicted? In order to be addicted, you must first be an addict, meaning you are devoting or surrendering (oneself) to something habitually or obsessively. If you are an addict, you can become addicted, meaning you cannot stop the act of what you are doing once you have already succumbed to the specific thing. To have an addiction, you then have a compulsive need for and use of something that is habit-forming. Are you an addict, addicted to the addiction?

When you look at the title from a grammar and usage perspective, the article “the,” placing it in front of the noun pain, indicates a definite description of the word. So, in my opinion the author stating “The Pain,” is indicating there is a specific pain being referred to in his message. The implication is they are addicts surrendering themselves to a compulsive need to feel pain. That is a strong observation.  And where is the origin of the pain?

I believe, the pain, the feelings of inferiority, sometimes worthlessness, and mediocrity do not come from situations we’ve placed upon self.  I am a black woman. When I think about the past, my history, I wonder if the pain is from the cries of Black life--uprooted, broken, beaten, tattered and torn.

So then I question, is pain in my DNA?  Was I born with the feeling of knowing pain just like I was born with a feeling of knowing love? Are we addicted or do we hold on because these feelings are ingrained in us and we do not question its viability. If pain is a part of the molecule that encodes our genetic instructions, well that is indicative of who we are--that being genetics!  I recognize that we do not always have to accept that which is a part of who we are, but I do believe this would explain why it would be hard to let go. Not being addicted, but just having difficulty letting go. What is that quote about it requiring strength to let go? For me, I am not certain that it is a matter of holding on because it’s easier to let go or I have more strength to let go because of what my ancestors endured and I being a product of them, in some fashion exudes strength.

In the book Black Pain by Terrie Williams, Susan Taylor writes in the foreword, “We have to admit that we bear the generational wounds caused by hundreds of years of slavery and abuse, the separation from family and culture and all that was dear and familiar to us. The heinous acts of violence are not forgotten. We remember that our beauty and humanity were degraded, defiled, and devalued.” Her reference is of pain and it identifies us as knowing pain, relating to pain.  THIS pain...this pain can be attributed to being ripped from our native country, culture, and livelihood (as Afrikaans) and be forced to leave a land once owned and cultivated, only to live on the same land as refugees left to barter for goods and services in order to survive (as Natives)!

If we are addicted to pain, where did the addiction to the pain begin? To confront the addicted, we must first stage an intervention. But before an intervention can commence, we must force the enablers to own their part, take responsibility, and begin to introduce change into their minds, thoughts, feelings and behaviors.

xoxo #mythoughts #myperspective #addictedtothepain